(Daily Mail) We all know a partner being suddenly secretive with their phone is the biggest hint they might be playing away.
But what about the less obvious clues your partner could be having an affair?
It’s the subtle signs that people miss.
No-one wants to discover infidelity, so we all tend to give our partners the benefit of doubt. Trust is the foundation of a good relationship, after all.
And it should remain so. I’m not trying to whip you all up into a paranoid frenzy, there are other reasonable explanations for all these things.
But if a lot of them are happening and something doesn’t feel quite right, sit up and pay attention.
If you’re having more sex than usual and your partner’s spending habits change, it could mean your partner is having an affair (Stock image)
1. You’re having more sex than usual
If you’re having great sex, your partner can’t possibly be having an affair, right?
Not so fast. The ‘hydraulic pump theory’ – you only have so much energy for sex, so if you’re getting it elsewhere, you won’t want it at home, isn’t correct. Some people are more passionate at home when they’re having sex on the side: the affair sexually arouses them. Some get a kick going straight from one bed to the next. Another clue: your partner’s more confident in bed and wants to try things they wouldn’t usually.
2. They’re being more loving or critical than usual
Equally as likely is that they will become overly critical, pouncing on everything you do wrong and pointing out your many flaws. This justifies the affair to themselves: Of course I’m having an affair! I’m married to her/him!
3. They accuse YOU of cheating
It’s a sneaky tactic and a remarkably effective one. It sends a signal that they believe cheating is a bad thing and they must care about you, or they wouldn’t care less if you cheated. It’s often genuine: they’re getting away with seeing someone else, so could you be!
4. They avoid eye contact
Only a seasoned liar and hardened person can look directly into the eyes of someone they know loves them when they are betraying them.
In fact, research suggests if your partner can look you in eyes and touch you lovingly at the same time, it’s a good indication they aren’t up to anything. (The exception? Serial cheaters. If you’ve always cheated and see nothing wrong with it, you’ll accomplish this no problem at all.)
5. Their interests change
They used to love rom-coms, now they’re into serious documentaries. Before it was 90s pop, now it’s Indie. The guy who wouldn’t eat anything other than burgers, suddenly decides he loves Vietnamese.
The new person is changing or expanding their interests and hobbies.
6. Their spending habits change
If they are spending more, it usually means they’re going out more or buying gifts. Pay attention if they are withdrawing lots of cash: cash means you can’t see where they’ve been on bank or credit card statements.
Unexpected presents might come your way as well: guilt makes the most ungenerous person suddenly prone to buying flowers.
7. They experience mood swings
Affairs are turbulent. You oscillate between being unbearably excited to desperately guilty. One minute it’s off (they hate themselves for doing it to you) then it’s back on again (lust is hard to resist). It’s a rollercoaster of emotions that are impossible to hide completely.
8. They steer away from making future plans
If the affair is more than just a fling, they don’t want to discuss when to move house, book that dream holiday, whether to move an ageing parent in. They aren’t sure they’re going to be around.
9. They’re distant generally
Less engaged in conversations, distracted, preoccupied with their own thoughts and emotions: all these things suggest their attention has shifted elsewhere.
British sex expert Tracey Cox (pictured) has revealed 20 not-so-obvious signs your partner is having an affair
10. They go off radar when they didn’t before
Usually, they’d text back within 15 minutes, now it’s more like an hour. Being uncharacteristically unreachable is often the first definite clue something is happening.
Also beware background noises during calls that don’t seem to fit the location: they’re at a bar with their mates but there’s no loud banter; they’re at work but you hear a bus or train go past.
